“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us”

These last final two days of Thanksgiving break, I stayed up really late. Drinking a bottle of Cappuccino with vanilla flavor produced by Starbuck, my favorite coffee company; I hope o stay up the whole night. Scarcely did I make the decision when a question occurred to my mind “What am I going to do in the darkness of the night when everybody has fallen into their own dreams on familiar comfy beds?” I did not know the answer.

I did not have any intention to write my journal or do any school work. I had just finished watching “The Notebook” on my laptop, which I had put on must-be-done list for this break. No more movies I liked to watch at this moment. “What is about checking facebook, emails and surfing the internet?”. The mail box that was full of unread emails has been cleared completely by dinner time. I was glad to see my mails to be replied and exchange tender words with those that I held dear to. But not this time. The least thing I wanted to do was to stare at the laptop screen without my glasses on, which I had forgot in The Old Town Mission as I was busy serving drinks and greeting to those poor people who was about to leave after their Thanksgiving lunch.  Therefore, I closed my laptop. The final source of light in the house followed my hand pushing the screen down and disappeared.

Complete darkness surrounded. I stayed still on the couch, looking into the well-decorated room which now appeared as an empty huge black hole. My thought reached Angel, my first friend when I came to Verde Valley School. I remembered the time when we were much closer; I often asked “what were you doing in your room?”. “I was doing nothing”, said he and he meant it. Was he doing the same way I was this moment, just sitting on the couch with my mind not focusing on any specific emotions, events or individuals?. Was I experiencing the same feeling as he was? Maybe yes. Maybe no.

Despite the fact that I did not do anything physically, my mind still stayed conscious. My eyes were opened. My ears perceived every single little sound. I listened to the sound of the clock which struck once time every 15 minutes. I felt time passing and darkness growing thicker as it got later. I felt tranquility of my mind and my body although darkness often brings loneliness and sorrow. Darkness was sometimes unusually sweet like that, like the taste of dark chocolate. The intensity of silence caused me to imagine being able to hear Tori’s steady breath in her room, which was on the other side of the house.  I felt my own existence in the world.

What will tomorrow bring to me? What will it be to my family and friends, my teachers and strangers who are not now but will be part of my life in the future. Those are things that are not in my power to control. “All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us”, Gandalf in Lord of the ring says. When time comes I will know when it is best to enjoy and when it is good to struggle. “Will I be strong enough to go through thick and thin?”. This time I know the answer. It is Yes.

Now it was the time given to me to sneak into bed.